ChrisTalbot.com

Jacquie and I have spent the last hour or so going through tons of paper (we had to rent a forklift) for filing my taxes and stuff. Bah! Whoever came up with the idea years ago that we'd be a paperless society, well ... if I ever meet him, I'm going to kick him square in the 'nads. Promise. And if it's a she, well ... I'll think of something painful to do her. Nipple piercing, perhaps.

I threw up an archive site for the Joystick Jollies Web comic. Will anyone read it? I don't know, but maybe I'll be a famous Web comic creator some day. Y'know, like Whatshisname and Whoshisface.

Recent verbal comments about my little Web comics have been quite mean and filled with destructive criticism. If this keeps up, I'll get the idea that people think I have no talent or something. ;)

The Law has been talking about doing a Web comic for months and months and ... okay, at least a year. I'll just stop writing and let you read Joystick Jollies #2:

Quote for the day from The Law:

"There are more people who are cannibals who eat the flesh of their human victims than don't like The Princess Bride."

The Law has a theory that only those without a soul hate The Princess Bride. Of course, his buddy Craig doesn't like The Princess Bride, so The Law believes Craig is soulless. Anyone else out there in the electronic ether that is the Internet hate the movie?

Now that I've read through my comic books, I might as well sum up (for myself as much as you) what I thought of each of them. So here goes:

Devil May Cry: Book One -- Evil Woman: Sadly, this isn't quite what I was hoping for. The guy I talked to at Wyldstar seemed to be under the assumption that this comic book series was based on the characters and situations in the PS2 video game Devil May Cry and not the actual storyline from the video games. The first page nixes that assumption by boldly stating that it's the exact story from the games. Although I really didn't care much for the DMC games, I was impressed with the style. However, I don't really want to read a four-part mini-series that tells the story of the video games. I'll pass on parts two through four.

Conan #2: Conan the Cimmerian is one character I'll be thinking about for the rest of my life. Part of that is due to Robert E. Howard's stories, part of it is because of the Arnold Schwarzenegger movies (please let the next Conan be half-decent) and part of it because of the comic books, particularly this series. Conan #0 and #1 were both excellent and tense issues. Conan #2 isn't quite as strong, but still nevertheless a good read. As it seems that Conan will be staying in the northlands of the Aesir and Vanir for awhile, I'm looking forward to his adventures in the lands of snow and ice. The stories are excellent, and the artwork is of a style suited well to the great barbarian.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #5: I should've stuck with my first instinct and started picking up the Mirage versions of the comics. Although not nearly as bad as the old Archie Comics version, the Dreamwave Productions version of TMNT isn't exactly pleasing me. However, it's far from horrible. I'm willing to give it a chance for a few issues (and the trade paperback of the four-issue origins story will be out in November, so I'll want to get that), but I think I'll add the Mirage version to my collector's list (and I really need to look into seeing if there's collected volumes of the first Mirage TMNT volume).

Superman/Batman #8: Surprise, surprise, surprise (as Gomer Pile would say). The dude in Wyldstar recommended this book, which introduces the new Supergirl from Krypton to the books. I've never been a big Superman fan, and I haven't read Batman since the mid-1990s, but I must admit I enjoyed this comic. In fact, I'm thinking I might hang in for awhile and see what happens in this title.

Hellboy: The Corpse: This cheapass re-issue was worth picking up. Apparently it's a fan favourite, and I can see why. I quite enjoyed it, and the low, low, low price of a quarter means my time-to-money ratio is in Hellboy's favour.

Perhaps I should explain my time-to-money ratio statement. I tend to judge entertainment based on what it costs me per hour. For instance, a two-hour movie at an AMC costs me roughly $13 (Canadian, folks; I am a Canuck, after all). Let's say it's a two-hour movie for the sake of ease. Divide it up and that's about $6.50 per hour. Quality factors in as a subjective force, so if the movie sucks, I feel extremely ripped off. Compare that to the price of a video game. Let's say $80 for Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. I have probably got at least 30 hours of enjoyment out of the title. Divide it up, and it's about $2.67 per hour. Can't complain about that. I figure a comic book title, generally priced around $4.50 (although Wyldstar gives customers twenty-five percent off on new titles, so say about $3.38), takes me maybe half an hour to read (and that's being generous, depending on the individual title). Double it for the per hour basis, and it's $6.76. More than a movie, but at least I don't have some little dipshit behind me either talking or kicking the seat.

Anyway, I don't know what the dividing point between a good price and a bad price for an hour of entertainment is, but it's something I generally know when I see. Got it?

Working at home has its advantages. I did a quick run out to Wyldstar to pick up some comic books over my lunch hour. Made it there and back in about fifty-seven minutes. *grin* Here's what I picked up: Devil May Cry: Book One -- Evil Woman, Conan #2, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #5 (Dreamwave version), Superman/Batman #8 (with Supergirl) and Hellboy: The Corpse.

Unwanted opinions coming throughout the next few days.

Over the weekend, I read The Empire Strikes Back: Infinities and the entire first volume (first twenty-five issues) of Cerebus. Some quick opinions:

The Empire Strikes Back: Infinities: So far, definitely the weakest of the three (although I haven't yet seen the fourth ROTJ: Infinities book). I wasn't really impressed with this one. It didn't really have the edge of the others, and the story seemed to be ... strained.

Cerebus: I wish I'd picked this up years ago. The first twenty-five issues of Cerebus (from 1977 to 1980, I believe) collected in this one volume has to be one of the best comic book investments I've ever made. Not only was it well-written and illustrated in an entertaining manner, the characters are fascinating and some of the stories are quite humourous. I'll be picking up the next volume as soon as possible.

A graphic Rawl put up on his site states: When a PC dreams, it dreams it's a Mac.

However, the type of dream the PC dreams is what we generally refer to as a "nightmare."

I've wanted to do a Web comic for awhile now, but I frankly don't have the talent. However, like so many other talentless people on the Web, it ain't gonna stop me. :P

Too much fun not to link to: Short Bus Rampage. A sick sense of humour is necessary.

Some books ordered from Amazon arrived today -- Cerebus (the first trade paperback), A New Hope: Infinities and The Empire Strikes Back: Infinities. Over lunch, I read through ANH: Infinities. Two words: Freakin' amazing. I can't wait to get to ESB: Infinities, but I have to work, so it'll have to wait until either this evening or this weekend.

Rawlio has thrown the gloves down and taken up the challenge to protect Mac's good (ha!) name. Make sure to check his post from this morning to read his haiku poem in response to my little rhyme.

For now, a joke:

Q: What do you call a Mac gamer?
A: A figment of the imagination.

Well, I'm laughing. I don't care if anyone else finds it funny. :P ... To throw some salt on the wounds, check out Red Vs. Blue's Apple Switch parody.

Okay, so my little poem was pretty fuckin' lame. It was supposed to be. Honestly, I wrote it in like one-and-a-half minutes with some lame-ass rhyme that popped into my head ... all because Rawlio goaded me into action with a "bring it on" post on his blog.

I've been playing a bit of Halo online multiplayer on PC tonight ... and getting my sorry ass kicked over and over and over again. Yeah, I suck. Some ass even commented that I was "blind." Of course, the bastard was half-invisible and I didn't see him quick enough before he shot me in the face. One more time, this time with feeling: Yeah, I suck.

A poem for Rawl the MacHead:

I have a little friend
And his brain, it is a-broken
He is a Mac user
Don't know what he's been smokin'

Okay, Rawl. Your turn. Give it your best shot. :P

Zing! Take that, Mac users!

On another topic, I've been adding some stat tracking stuff to this site. You can check the bottom of the page for my growing list of tools I'm using. Sheesh!

The March 22nd blog entry at Kieron Gillen's Weblog is a fascinating read about games journalism and two branches of where it might be going.

About a week or two ago, Jacquie picked up a couple of paperback novels labeled "paranormal romance." Essentially, these two books are vampire romance stories. She finished reading the first one, Undead And Unwed by Mary Janice Davidson, and then urged me to read it. So the last couple of nights I've been reading about some unemployed secretary who dies and wakes up only to find out she's a vampire. It's essentially a trash novel, with some sex, a fair bit of humour (mostly revolving around the ridiculous situations she gets in) and a male lead vampire who I'm guessing will end up as her undead hubby around the end of the tale.

If you grew up with The Muppets, then this article at FilmThreat.com is a must read. (Just click the link, dammit!)

With the Hellboy movie on its way to theatres soon, Logan picked up the first four graphic novels by Mike Mignola. He loaned me the first two (Seeds of Destruction and Wake the Devil), which I read this evening. I'd never read Hellboy before, and I have to say I'm impressed with the artwork and the storylines. I've already been looking forward to seeing the film ... now even more so.

The D&D game went okay. I've brought a storyline that had been kind of going since the fall of 2000 when the campaign first started to a close, although the ending wasn't what I had originally hoped for, so it was most definitely anticlimactic. Oh well. Now we've moved on to tie up some loose ends regarding a dungeon that the party first tried to make a run at way back around 2001, and then we'll be starting the Return to the Temple of Elemental Evil story arc.

I'm just checkin' in quick here. Jacquie and I drove to Woodstock yesterday afternoon for my grandmother's birthday dinner/party that afternoon/evening, and then we drove back that night. Today is kind of quiet. I've just been working on my D&D campaign stuff (as I'm running the game tonight) and watching some Kindred: The Embraced on DVD. I don't care what people say -- I liked that show when it was on. There some big plot holes, but it's the only filmed thing ever based on Vampire: The Masquerade, even if they did change a heck of a lot of stuff from the RPG's canon.

Anyway, D&D tonight. I've got beer in the fridge (stubbies!) and I'll be ready to go by the time the gang shows up around 7:00-ish.

Revenge of the Palm art:

Just more weird crap that comes across my desk (but this would be more of a tragedy if it was actually a decent beer):

I like sushi. Mmmmmm...

Well, just in case there are readers who don't know what I look like but still want to know, I give you...well, me:


Photo courtesy of The Law, taken with his Palm Zire 71 at some party in the past (can't remember when).

Yes, I know -- I am one sexy bitch.

And now, for your viewing displeasure, Palm art...



Phe4r my l33t artistic skillz. :P

According to one rumour going around, the next (and last) Star Wars movie is going to be titled Rise of the Empire. It sounds plausible, but it'll probably be a few months before George Lucas confirms the name of the film.

Jacquie and I went out to see Secret Window last night. I have two simple words to describe this flick: "Flimsy" and "plot." Put 'em together and what do you get? Yeah, precisely. Avoid it if you can.

Funny. This is the second bad Stephen King movie Timothy Hutton has been in. Anybody remember The Dark Half? If you do, I'm sure you're not fondly remembering it. ;)

Jacquie suddenly decided this morning to completely re-arrange the master bedroom. Just about everything is in a different spot. Hopefully I'll still be able to find everything I need. *sigh*

It's only Tuesday of March Break, and I think she's already bored.

Here's an interesting column predicting a second big video game crash. According to David Wong, look for the next video game crash during the next generation of consoles.

I'm not sure I quite agree that the game industry is going to crash in the next few years, but he makes a good point and I'm almost inclined to side with him and go, "Hell, yeah! It's gonna happen!" I mean, he's definitely right that each new console and game is just more of the same thing in the past, but with better graphics, faster processors and more non-gaming-related functions. Take my buddy The Law as an example. He bought an Xbox about a year-and-a-half ago. It was the first console he'd purchased since his Sega Genesis (still in working order, according to Mr. The Law). According to The Law, the Xbox has everything he needs, and he's already more or less made up his mind that there's no reason to buy Xbox 2 when it comes out. He's got a healthy supply of games that he plays, but he often only breaks the 'box out when friends are over anyway.

Anyway, a video game crash starting in 2005? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. But the signs of stagnation in the market David Wong points to are there.

Over lunch, I had a chance to read through Return of the Jedi: Infinities #3. Overall, an excellent read. I'm really getting into this idea of re-telling the Star Wars films with some changes in the stories. There's one more issue to go in the four-part series, and the very end of the third issue brought about some surprising twists. I can't wait for ROTJ: Infinities #4. I've been so impressed with the series that I'm thinking of tracking down the trade paperback versions of A New Hope: Infinities and The Empire Strikes Back: Infinities.

Monday is here. I spent part of the weekend working on eChannelLine stuff, part of the weekend building an upcoming DVD reviews site at Tom's place and part of the weekend visiting parents. Oh yeah, and my brother Sean and I went to Wyldstar in Oshawa, where I picked up a few comic books -- Alpha Flight #1, Return of the Jedi: Infinities #3 and something called The DreamLand Chronicles #1. I picked up the last one out of curiosity. It looked interesting.

A quick summary of opinions:

Alpha Flight #1: This is what pisses me off about Americans. They honestly have no right to write Canadian dialogue in any media form. This issue is the first of a six-issue story arc, and it sucked. The characters were trite, the situations were goofy and every bloody character said "eh" for no reason whatsoever about every third panel. I've decided that I'll forgive the first issue and stick around for the first story arc. If things haven't improved dramatically, Alpha Flights gets dropped from my collecting list.

The DreamLand Chronicles #1: Computer-generated images should be left to video games and animation. They just look wrong somehow in a comic book. Other than that, the story was definitely entertaining. However, I like comic books partly for the style of artwork. If I want CG, I'll plunk down in front of the TV and let Jacquie choose a Pixar movie to watch. Also, the damn comic is a little wider than your average comic book, and so it won't fit into a normal-sized comic book bag. *sigh*

Return of the Jedi: Infinities #3: I'll let you know after I've read it. ;)

Rawl emailed me about last night's post regarding Hang 'Em High and my beverage and food of choice while watching that old Clint Eastwood movie. He called me a metrosexual. Bastard. X(

How's this for an odd mix? A bottle of white wine, some aged white cheddar (not aged in my fridge -- just wanted to clarify that) and Hang 'Em High on DVD. Ah, this is the life.

Or that was the life. The movie is over and Jacquie has the TV now. She's watching Survivor while I stare at my computer screen.

Good news. The March Coffee Shortage Crisis is over. I once again have canned Tim Hortons coffee in my cupboard.

My cupboard. I don't know why, but the whole owning a house thing never really struck me as odd or exciting. While Jacquie was wired for months, going on about how this is our place, I sat back, fiddled with my game controllers and did my thing. I guess I can't really see the big deal in it being my cupboard or my fridge or even my house (sorry, Jacquie, our house :P). To me, I suppose this is just a place to live. It's the gear I brought with me or that I purchase (like a bunch of DVDs last weekend) that excites me. ;)

I had coffee with Rawl tonight (as usual, Rawl drank tea instead). He's going to be doing a road trip to Florida next week, so I wanted to be sure to get a chance to get together with him before he was off on the long haul. That was accomplished tonight. Applause, please. ... Thank you.

No other real news to report. I need to replenish my canned coffee supply, which I failed to do today. Looks like it's no coffee or Coffee Time again tomorrow.

Out of canned Timmy's coffee this morning but dying for a cup o' joe, I suddenly remembered there is a Coffee Time in the strip mall kitty-corner to our housing development. I typically try to avoid Coffee Times, simply because it's a place designed for the average blue-collar worker. It's not that I have any problems with blue-collar workers, but so many of them are smokers that Coffee Time remains a smoking environment. Have you ever eaten a donut that had sat around in a blue haze for even an hour? It's like munching on a squishy ashtray. Ick!

Anyway, I made the quick walk while my morning email was downloading and grabbed a large coffee. It's just not quite the same as Tim's.

In writing about the technology industry for several years, I've come to despise buzzwords -- those catchy words generated in board meetings by marketers in an effort to make their products sound hip, new, improved or innovative. Of course, buzzwords don't start and stop with the technology industry. Hell, no. Take the word "metrosexual" as an example. This is a word that people around me have been using more and more, and since I don't keep up on buzzwords outside of the tech industry, I decided to check into this word.

As far as I can tell, "metrosexual" was essentially a word created by marketers to tell urban males that it was okay to get in touch with their feminine sides and start using facial creamers, expensive hair care products and other such niceties. ... In other words, to try to create a market for effeminate products for men. If I've got all this correct, they're trying to re-create that market of obtuse, self-absorbed men that existed in the Me Generation of the Eighties.

Consider this a bibliography for my research:

AskMen.com's discussion of metrosexuality (especially the second part)
Langmaker.com's metrosexual definition
UrbanDictionary.com's definition of metrosexual

Buzzwords suck.

I can't believe I haven't come across ThinkGeek before. I gotta get me one of those Shot Blade Launchers. Oh yeah, and a Powerball Gyroscope. I've been looking for one of those for like four years.

Jacquie has been playing EverQuest while I've been scouring ThinkGeek. She keeps looking over my shoulder and then berating me. She's being very mean. ;)

I think it's safe to let the cat out of the bag on which gaming site I'm going to be writing for, seeing as my name has been added to the staff list and all. I suggest you check out N-Advanced, an up-and-coming Nintendo news, reviews and previews site. Look for my byline in the future.

See, now Prince of Persia is a video game movie I could get behind. If all goes well, Mr. Jerry "Pirates of the Caribbean" Bruckheimer will be helming the film.

Yesterday was spent down at a wireless LAN conference. ... 'Nuff said about that.

It looks like I'll be doing some work for an up-and-coming new games site, but I want to keep it under wraps until I actually do start writing for it. Maybe I'll just wait for my first article to appear. Expect news soon.

I've got gothic surf rock on my mind this morning. A co-worker (Dave) will be going to the Vegas Beach show at Savage Garden on Thursday night, but it's just too late in the evening for me. Apparently the band isn't going on until after 11:00 p.m. Too bad, because I really like what little I've heard of Ricky Las Vegas' newest band. It's no surprise, of course, because I was a big fan of the last project he was involved with -- the Vampire Beach Babes.

Here and there I like to see if any of my old articles, reviews or whatever are still online. Out of curiosity, I checked out the site of a music magazine I used to write for. My article with one of the founding members of the band Slipknot is still up there.