ChrisTalbot.com

Note: This was sparked by the previous post's link to a "how-to" on writing an epic fantasy novel the Tolkien way.

Walking Dead says:
Heheh. http://members.ozemail.com.au/~imcfadyen/notthenet/fantasy.htm
The Law says:
Funny.
The Law says:
That's why D&D campaigns don't feel epic enough.
Walking Dead says:
Right.
The Law says:
I should try to factor in some of these rules to my game.
Walking Dead says:
I think it's about time I tried writing a novel.
The Law says:
Oh yeah?
The Law says:
A fantasy Epic?
Walking Dead says:
Maybe. It would be fun to follow this formula. Heheh.
The Law says:
You know what would be really interesting?
Walking Dead says:
Ever since November's National Novel Writing Month, I've been thinking of blogging a novel.
The Law says:
Follow this formula, but make it current/non-fantasy.
The Law says:
A desk-jockey is told the fate of the world rests in him taking a sacred artifact to the edge of the world...
The Law says:
On the way he's accompanied by a Dead-head, accountant, housewife and circus midget...
Walking Dead says:
Heheh.
The Law says:
He has a wise, but absent-minded advisor — that's a tough one...
Walking Dead says:
I think a humourous fantasy novel where a nerdy D&D player is placed into a real fantasy world would be funny. Y'know, but everything he thinks he knows about fantasy is wrong. For instance, kobolds would be these fifteen-foot-tall killing machines.
The Law says:
An early days Wiccan guy/druid...
The Law says:
Yeah. That could be funny.
The Law says:
Want to make this an (unpublished) challenge?
The Law says:
Man to man...
The Law says:
(You know it'll never happen)
Walking Dead says:
We could have some fun and collaborate on a novel. Aim for 50,000 words and bounce ideas off each other.
The Law says:
Maybe.
The Law says:
Or, we could come up with a word-count and write -- for fun -- novelettes/short stories based on a formula.
The Law says:
And a timeline.
Walking Dead says:
Right.
The Law says:
I'd be down with either of them... I think it could be fun.
Walking Dead says:
Well, NNWM gives you one month write a novel.
The Law says:
If we said our timeline was 2005, that would be good.
The Law says:
NNWM?
The Law says:
What's that?
Walking Dead says:
National Novel Writing Month.
The Law says:
Oh.
Walking Dead says:
In 30 days, you write a novel from start to finish. Assuming you aim for 50,000 words, that's less than 1700 words per day.
The Law says:
True.
The Law says:
But that's still a lot when you have day jobs, right.
The Law says:
Now many words did you say we've written in the year on the board?
Walking Dead says:
I know. But people do it. A heck of a lot of people participate in NNWM.
Walking Dead says:
57,652 words.
The Law says:
Right.
The Law says:
Hahaha: "The important thing about an epic fantasy novel is that the reader must be exhausted at the end of it. They must feel that they have overcome as many obstacles in getting through the book as the heroes have in fulfilling the quest. So the book must be as difficult to read as possible."
The Law says:
I love that.
The Law says:
I also love the bit about wizards and lords not using their magical powers... I noticed that in LoTR. For all his power, Gandalf almost never casts a freaking spell.
Walking Dead says:
Yep.
Walking Dead says:
With all his power, why couldn't Gandalf have his giant hawk-thing fly the fucking hobbits to Mordor?
The Law says:
Again why D&D doesn't work.
The Law says:
Hahaha.
The Law says:
Cause the journey was as important as the destination.
Walking Dead says:
Heheh.
Walking Dead says:
Then nix the giant hawk-thing.
The Law says:
We could just re-write LoTR with them actually being practical.
The Law says:
It would be like 20 pages.
Walking Dead says:
Heheh. A LOTR spoof where the characters do something sensible. I love it!
The Law says:
Gandalf sees the ring... puts in in an envelope and has the hawk-things carry it and drop it in the mountain. Done.
Walking Dead says:
Heheh.
The Law says:
"Oh Frodo, I was going to ask you... oh, never mind, I forgot I took care of that... you run along and frollic with your little gay friends."
The Law says:
I mean, the fucking birds not going to want the ring... have you ever seen a bird wear a ring?
The Law says:
Have you ever seen birds get engaged? Or ask for jewelry. No, crackers... Gandalf could bribe it with crackers.
The Law says:
"And lo, the dark lord Saron was defeated, only crums remain of his evil empire, which was brought low by wheat-thins."
Walking Dead says:
"Hello, big, giant hawk-thing friend," said Gandalf. "Would you be a peach and take this envelope to Mordor and drop it in Mount Doom?

"Squawk!" said the big, giant hawk-thing.

"Well, there's a whole box of hobbit crackers in it for you," Gandalf said.

And with that, the big, giant hawk-thing flew off and destroyed the One Ring.
The Law says:
Hahaha.
The Law says:
All the forces of the West are, like, collecting up to battle the orcs and such, and Gadalf's, like, "tee hee" getting high on hobbit leaf.